Why do all malls look alike? Filled with the same mammoth department stores, the same "funky boutiques," the same fast food fare. And the mall-goers are no different: The same highschool kids trying to look cool in their mix-n-match outfits, the same bleached-blonde girls trying to impress their aloof beefcake boyfriends, the same dreary mothers dragging the same brand-name beclad toddlers into the same over priced national toy stores.
I wandered into a mall in Mesa, Arizona the other day quite by accident, while trying to leave a Sears (sometimes you just gotta have a Craftsman power drill, ya know?) Instant reality warp. I had entered the heart of Anywhere, USA. All the families, trying not to let the civil wars erupt in public. All the free stuff you can win if you just sign over your rights to your mailbox. All the blatant commercialism. I got depressed just thinking about the futility of it all, everyone trying to find happiness in a mall pretzel and that perfect pair of Nikes.
Americans: we shop therefore we are. God help us...
I love my dogs, but one of them displays the personality trait I most despise: neediness. Everyone has needs. I'm not talking about having needs. I'm talking about being n e e d y. As in, in constant need of affirmation. Desperate for affection. Pleading for the world to pay ATTENTION TO ME.
I have friends like that. Or rather, acquaintances, as I can't abide the trait long enough to actually become friends with someone who displays it. This constant clamoring for attention would be an utter bore if it weren't also absurdly fascinating. How someone can be so thoroughly preoccupied with their own problems and needs is beyond me. Why don't these people just build their own web sites? I mean really...
Love Thy Neighbor
Ah, a command so easy to say, so hard to live by. What is *with* these people that think Christianity in any way condones their hatred? Show me where Jesus says bombing your local women's clinic is your Christian duty? I think the line ,"what you do unto the least of these, you have done unto me," is more like it.
Don't Flaunt Your Sexuality
This is addressed to all those straight people out there who think anyone cares about what they do in the bedroom. It's always "my wife" this, "my kids" that, "my husband and I did so and so last weekend"... Yo, do you mind? Must you flaunt your sexuality at every possible moment?I mean, I'm all for straight rights. Sure, you should be allowed to marry and set up house with whomever you like, but please keep it to yourself. Think of the children! Some people just have no decency whatsoever.
Yaaaaaaawn
Boring, boring, boring. That used to be my most scathing critique, but now I utter the phrase so often it hardly holds meaning. Everything is boring. TV. Sports. People's psychological problems and petty emotional disorders? And did I mention that I find needy people boring?According to Robert Frost, some say the world will end in fire or in ice...
I say: The world will end out of boredom.
You can quote me on that.
The Great Brain Drain: TV
Whenever I find myself a guest at that great and mysteriously named American institution, Motel 6, I cannot prevent the urge to grab the remote control and settle down for some serious channel surfing. I don't know what comes over me. It's not a behavior I have ever exhibited in my home environment, nor is it an activity I find particularly stimulating or useful, but as I sit on the standard issue polyester bedspread, I am overcome with a need to burn a dozen new stupid jingles into my brain, displacing such useful information as the meaning of life, the formula for world peace and the location of the nearest Taco Bell.Hey, this is my rants page. You were warned...
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